It's a slow Monday, figured we could get a few laughs in. I'll start. So I took a trip to Hawaii this past summer with a few buddies, and it was great except for the awkward plane ride there. We left Houston, landed in Phoenix, then left the next day to Hawaii. Anyway, as we're boarding the plane in Phoenix we spot this pretty cute chick by herself and we're all joking about who's gonna get lucky and sit next to her. As I find my seat (had to sit exactly where your ticket said) I see her walking down the isle and wouldn't you know she comes and sits right next to me. Now normally I'm usually the socially awkward penguin when it comes to talking to cute girls, but somehow I managed to strike up a conversation and things were going well. She said she was from Phoenix but she goes to the University of Hawaii. She was telling me about the island, places to see, things to do, etc etc. Anyway needless to say it was going pretty good. The flight finally takes off and eventually it gets to the part of the flight were everyone either watches a movie or sleeps. Well I put in my iPod and start mellowing out until I realize I have the biggest piss coming. I mean this piss was the grandaddy of all pisses. It was one of those pisses where you hold it so long you start getting a boner (hope that's not just me lol). I look to my right and she's out cold. Me, trying to be a nice guy and not wake her up decides that I'm gonna try to sneak my way around her to go take this epic piss. It didn't turn out to be a good idea. I unbuckled my seatbelt, got up and started to slyly ease my away around her. Somehow I stumbled and it caused her wake up and as she did her head was RIGHT ON MY CROCH. I'm pretty sure she felt my boner too. I didn't say anything and neither did she. I just kinda made a sorry/awkward face and made my way to the restroom. I come back and sit down and not another word was said the whole flight. I really didn't know what to think or do I just kinda sunk back deep in my chair and kept my earbuds in my ear the whole time listening to music. We finally arrive in Hawaii and it's time to get off the plane. We both stand up to leave and I was like "nice meeting you" and she looked at me then down to my junk and said "nice meeting you TWO". She smiled and walked off into the distance. I didn't know rather to fistbump myself or die of embarrassment. Either way it was definitely awkward/embarrassing. TL;DR- Was on a plane, got up to use the restroom without waking hot chick next to me, ends up with her face in my junk. So my dear clutchfans, what are your embarrassing moments? Let's hear them. Don't be shy.
I don't get embarrassed easily, but the one that takes the cake happened when I was a freshmen in high school. I'm a big guy, and I hit puberty in elementary school, so naturally, I always looked older and was bigger than most people my age. When I was 15 I went to the local movie theater (AMC 24 1st Colony) with a few of my friends. It is a popular place, especially on the weekends, so it was pretty packed outside. I see this really cute chick with a loud mouth friend. I ask one of my friends to distract the loud mouth so I could talk to the cute one, but they didn't help me out (I was flying solo on this one). I walk up to this girl, introduce myself and ask her what movie she's here to watch. As soon as she shakes my hand and tells me her name, her idiot friend walks up, grabs her by the arm and yells out in front of everyone "We're only 15, you perv!" It was a classic Southwest "wanna get away?" moment. Everyone stopped and looked, while I had no choice but to yell back, "I'm 15 too!" It was no use. This happened within a year of the whole SPM child molestation thing, so my friends had jokes for days. Sigh.
Potential one that I calmly pushed aside with a white lie. Taking a post-lunch dump at the law firm I worked at in the late 90s and those typically lasted the sports and metro sections of the Statesman. Well, I didn't realize that my wang wasn't pointed inside the toilet and as I go to finish up, I realize i've pissed all over the back of my pants. Panic? Nah. I just use the newspapers to cover it up, go to my boss, say I sat in a pool of water in the breakroom some lazy ******* didn't clean up and I run home to change.
I was doing stand up comedy at the Velveta room in Austin in the early 90s, and I was the middle act of the night - we had this new girl opening up, so while she goes up, I go to the bathroom and start to take a piss. Well this girl just bombs, no one is laughing, it is like crickets out there, in the middle of my piss, she dashes off the stage, and the next thing I know I hear my name called - and I am still going - everyone knows you can not stop a piss midstream, but I felt like maybe this once it was going to work out ok. So, I go running out of the john, hit the stage and start my act, it is going ok, and about 2 mins into the set, people are laughing at awkward times, and I don't quite know what is going on......when a voice from the back - a good friend of mine - barks out.... "NICE WET SPOT- DUDE !!!!"......Did I mention I was wearing Kaki pants? And the piss spot was growing by the second....... I calmly looked down and said "I must have leaned on the counter"...yeah no one bought that......so I went around the audience trying to get people to touch it or sniff it....ended up being a great set, but I was embarrased to have pissed all over my pants and been in front of an audience.... I was known as Piss boy for months among the other comics.....awesome ! DD
For me it's hard to share these kind of things. That must be why none come to my mind right now, they have been deeply repressed.
Hmm although I've probably suppressed most, I need to ask my girlfriend for some ha. Lets see. Last summer after going to a bar me and my friend were pretty drunk and were using a urinal at krogers at the same time since there was only one and our other friend was in the stall. The manager walked in. I went to a movie with my girlfriend and her mom a year ago, started driving my truck before her mom was all the way in and she almost fell out. I got arrested for streaking once, that was an awkward conversation with my parents. I prefer to embarrass people. When I was in high school I would often scream did you just look at my dick in a crowded bathroom when using a urinal.
Just a random one that happened in 5th grade but i still remember it well. We were going to watch a movie and had all the chairs lined up next to one another in rows. While the teacher was out of the room for some reason, me and the kid next to me started playing the ole thump each others knuckles game. We had a few other classmate onlookers, a few girls. It was my turn so i positioned myself on that cheap little plastic chair. I raised my arm and took aim for a vicious thump. As i came down with my arm i raised up a little in my chair and the...let out the loudest fart I can remember. The plastic chair must have had an amplification property because it it was so loud it actually stunned everyone in the room.
Went to splash town with a group of friends and everybody know i can't swim or float for sh**. So i tried one of those ride where you go on a downward spiral feet first. Luckily my friends told the life guard ahead of time that I'm a dead weight under water. Sure enough, i was pulled and dragged by a hot looking blonde chick. I feel so emasculated that day
DUDE, she was totally okay with it if she made that joke. Should've got her number. And a hot girl that makes a joke like that instead of being snobby? Damn man, I would've totally at least asked her out on a date.
that's what I was thinking. Missed opportunity. was that a flight that you actually had to pay for and couldn't expense it?
LOL i like how almost all of these are about piss. Unfortunately im a victim myself Wearing black sweatpants, i go to the stall in college, and since were among men in here You know how you have to direct the fluid line sometimes? :grin: Well i was too lazy to do so and pissed all over the front of the pants. Had to walk the rest of the day with my hands in my pocket tucked towards each other down the middle to cover the stain lol. Luckily that day was cold so it looked natural.
When I was in college part of my ummm (lets just say) initiation into a Greek organization...i had to find "gay midget p*rn" as part of a scavenger hunt. Wasn't sure how to find this, so I decided to print out a picture of gay midget p*rn. Well, I had a printer that my parents gave me, it had sat in the corner of my closet for the whole year, and i was still too lazy to install it..so I walked over to the library. I went to google pics and typed in gay midget p*rn..was not sure what i would find...BUT i actually found...gay midgets. Regardless, I was about to start printing (come on, i was 17) when someone had apparently complained. I was tapped on my shoulder and as I turned I saw the librarian along with several students standing behind her laughing. The most embarrassing moment of my life. Obviously I could not say the real reason I was looking at gay midget p*rn. I sucked it up, apologized, and walked out of the library. Terrible.
When I was in school, I used to chew on my pencils and pens a lot during class. Sometimes I would really go to town on them. One day, in 6th grade, I sat in class chewing on my pen and the bell rang. I quickly threw the pen in my pocket and went to band class. I grab my trombone and sit down in my spot. Everything seems to be going fine. Next thing you know, everybody was looking at me and laughing.... even the girl I really liked at the time was laughing. I ask what they are laughing at and nobody answers, they just keep laughing. I went to the restroom to see what they were laughing at and it turns out I had ink all over my face. I felt like an idiot.
my ex gf caught us making out on their bed the first time he met me. when they finally invited me over for dinner, i was determined to make a good impression. unfortunately i had a runny nose at the time and was just blowing my nose left and right the entire night. only problem is im a power nose blower. i do it one nostril at a time while covering the other to get maximum push and power. extremely effective but ive been known to bust a kleenex every now and then because of the power. i did it around the dinner table. he was disgusted. afterwards me and the ex was chilling at her room and i had to take a massive dump. i did my business and cleaned everything up. but apparently i left a nugget in the toilet or it came back up after the flush. her brother went in after me so he knew it was mine. he was disgusted. so yeah not a good first impression
