Today, I was watching a repeat of "Pawn Stars," eating an egg-on-bagel sandwich, and a new Michael Jordan Hanes commercial came on. Predictably, it was stupid, and Mike did his patented straight-man routine. But something was a little different about MJ... <object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/lHDxSxvqOis&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/lHDxSxvqOis&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object> Michael Jordan was rocking a goddamned Hitler mustache. America's most beloved sports icon apparently believes he can pull off the world's fugliest, most hated facial hair. Why? Who told him that was a good look? Why did Hanes decide to film him wearing it? Was my outrage intensified due to the bagel I was eating? I don't have any answers, only questions! Maybe Mike lost a bet. Or maybe he simply hates Jews. Given his carefully crafted public image, it's impossible to know for sure. But that just makes this mystery all the more compelling... Jordan has always been very careful to be 100% inoffensive, especially in his role as marketing mascot. Why, then, the Hitler 'stache? Does he not realize that he looks like Hitler? Does no one have the balls to tell His Airness that he looks like an evil fascist? Could this be a new trend? I did see a brother with dreads rocking a Hitler stache a couple months ago at Mango's, but I figured he was just an eccentric ****ing hippie. Nobody's trying to put that guy's grungy ass in commercials. But Michael Jordan is a fashion plate. This is the guy that killed short-shorts and made it cool to shave your head. Could he seriously be trying to take back the Hitler stache? Does he have that kind of power? WTF?
Michael Jordan doesn't do irony! Michael Jordan slam dunks. I'm having an awesome time imagining one of those "Come Fly With Me" slow-motion highlight reels with a Hitler mustache photoshopped into every frame.
It was pretty damn good. It was a pumpernickle bagel that my girlfriend's sister brought down from NYC. Sara Lee has jack **** on New York bagels. Thanks for asking! I don't know how anyone could honestly find the toothbrush 'stache fashionable, '03. If Mike wanted to be a bit more au courant, he could have gone with the Mugabe:
Ever since MJ got his own brand and pretty much full control his shoe/clothing line has sucked....he thinks he can come up with new things and they'll catch on, much like his baggy shorts or bald head, but not gonna happen. He tries too hard.
In honor of this thread not being locked yet, I decided to see how "Space Jam" would have looked with Mike's new scruff: Daffy's reaction is appropriate, in my opinion.
