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[LA Times] The hard fact is: The LA Lakers are soft

Discussion in 'NBA Dish' started by jsmee2000, Dec 12, 2008.

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  1. jsmee2000

    jsmee2000 Contributing Member

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    this is hilarious...

    article link

    The hard fact is: The LA Lakers are soft

    [​IMG]

    Memo to writers, reporters, critics, pundits, "Lakers Live" and Laker fans the world over:

    Please spare us the endless talk and the annoying daily handwringing over the Lakers’ lack of defense or their failure to be aggressive. Don’t just read what I’m about to tell you, embrace it. Take it to heart. Accept it as an inalienable truth.

    The Lakers are still softer than a Johnny Mathis love song. They're "Chances Are" in sneakers.

    The Lakers are still softer than the baby powder Kevin Garnett claps into the faces of the Celtics’ courtside timekeepers.

    The Celtics have the eye of the tiger, the Lakers have the eye of the pussycat.

    For instance: When Paul Pierce goes out at night, he gets stabbed. When Sasha goes out, he gets his tips colored. Or buys a new headband.

    Do you know what happened at a Celtics game the other night? Garnett screamed and berated Glen Davis, making him actually cry.

    Davis is as big as your house and the Big Ticket is so mean, he made the kid cry like, well, a Big Baby.

    Lamar Odom throws a pass to no one except Sasha Vujacic standing in front of the bench, they both have a good giggle over it. The Lakers are just cute.

    There’s no crying in Laker basketball, just giggling.

    When the Celtics squeeze something, it’s their opponents’ skulls. When the Lakers squeeze something, it’s probably the Charmin.

    Lamar goes on the radio with Vic the Brick, you know what they talk about? Skin products! I swear to Jergens!

    The Celtics want to tear your head off, the Lakers are looking for a nice moistening cream. Their power forward is an expert on Aloe and cocoa butter.

    That’s why they should have gotten Ron Artest when they had the chance. I’m pretty sure the only skin products Artest likes are the ones Hannibal Lecter used.

    The Lakers make a personnel move, they draft Sun Yue, a sweetheart from China. Sun Yue? I would have signed Charles Oakley, and I don’t care if he’s 50 years old! No one messes with the Oak.

    Garnett is from the south side of Chicago, Pierce is from Inglewood. Tough places, mean streets. The Lakers? They come from Spain and Slovenia

    and Serbia. The only streets the Lakers know are Melrose and Beverly Drive for shopping.

    The Lakers have 3 soft Euros, a guy (Luke Walton) who lives at the beach and a guy who can tell you which is a better product, Nivea or Neutrogena.

    Is it any wonder they got Ashton Kutchered, punked, in the NBA Finals?

    When a Celtic has a fit of pique, he makes a teammate cry. When a Laker has a violent impulse, he throws birthday cake. Like Kwame Brown always said, watch out for that whipped cream and frosting, they're natural born killers!

    All the Lakers hear for days on end, ad nauseam, is how they have to toughen up. How do they respond? Lamar and Trevor Ariza break out new bright yellow headbands! Then they give up 200 points to the Sacramento Kings. That’ll show em!

    Who is the Lakers’ conditioning coach, Richard Simmons?

    One of the Suns drove Wednesday night with Bynum, 290 pounds, bigger than an apartment building, standing right there. The lane opened wide, with the driving Sun followed by the Queen Mary. Did Bynum put the guy on his butt? Did he send a message that this is my lane and my house and no one dunks on us here?

    No, he just watched him. In fact, Bynum stopped just short of clasping his hands together so the guy could jump off them like a trampoline, the way you boost a child over a fence. Or holding up a "10" card to praise the dunk.

    Bynum offered less resistance than Oscar de la Hoya.

    Look, the point here is, the Lakers are who they are. And their team is what it is. Asking them to be mean and tough and hard and nasty and physical is like asking Oprah to be thin or George Bush to be smart. It’s not in their DNA.

    They’re not McFilthy and McNasty, they’re McWimpy and McSoftee.

    The Celtics and Lakers can even be defined by their color analysts. Tom Heinsohn is a hulking beast who looks like a hitman. Mychal Thompson is from the Bahamas and wears sandals and puka shells. Heinsohn is Tony Soprano, Thompson is Bob Marley.

    If the Celtics had Laker Girls, they would be Janet Reno and Madeline Albright.

    The Lakers are fast and fun and athletic and entertaining and pretty as can be. I love the Lakers! I say, to heck with the tacos! Headbands for everyone! Or free passes to Lamar's favorite day spa.

    Let them score 120, give up 110 and we can all all go home happy, without the angst.

    As Paul McCartney was just telling me, Let It Be.

    Think of it like this: The Celtics are Rottweilers, the Lakers French Poodles. The Celtics bite your arm off. The Lakers win Best in Show.

    If the Celtics were a video game, they'd be Grand Theft Auto. The Lakers are Tickle Me Elmo.

    In movie terms, the Lakers are Paul Newman, the Celtics Charles Bronson. Newman made better movies, aesthetically he was the one you wanted to watch and paid to see.

    Except of course that it was Bronson who kills everyone in the end.

    -- Ted Green
     
    #1 jsmee2000, Dec 12, 2008
  2. ind0fo0

    ind0fo0 Contributing Member

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    Oh damn. That HAS to be the first negative article published about the Lakers since 1946. :eek: :eek: :eek:
     
    #2 ind0fo0, Dec 12, 2008
  3. uci

    uci Member

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    kobe, bynum, ariza, mbenga, sun,=not soft
    everyone else, especially the guy in the pic, luke walton, r frustrating to watch
     
    #3 uci, Dec 12, 2008
  4. J.Will.Xu

    J.Will.Xu Member

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    Sasha Vujacic is soft,as well as Rodmanovic :p
     
    #4 J.Will.Xu, Dec 12, 2008
  5. London'sBurning

    London'sBurning Contributing Member

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    That's why they got beat by the Celtics in the Finals. Too soft.
     
    #5 London'sBurning, Dec 12, 2008
  6. ImmortalD24

    ImmortalD24 Member

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    Sad but true.. Kobe needs to get some blame as well since he's been playing terrible defense this season.
     
    #6 ImmortalD24, Dec 12, 2008
  7. DaDakota

    DaDakota If you want to know, just ask!

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    Well if you are going to be soft you might as well be 17-3.

    DD
     
    #7 DaDakota, Dec 12, 2008
  8. J.Will.Xu

    J.Will.Xu Member

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    Well I think they ain't gonna maintain the level of defense intensity they were at to begin with the season.

    They gave up more points than they did at the start of the season and being more complacent and brashly thinking that they could easily put every opponent away without consistent efforts.

    I figure they're gonna lose some close games if they continue not to play suffocating D. :)
     
    #8 J.Will.Xu, Dec 12, 2008
  9. A_3PO

    A_3PO Member

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    Winning has come too easily for this team. They need adversity to get their focus back. When you have a player (Bynum) whining about not finishing games while your record is 17-3, something is very wrong. It may be this squad can't stand too much prosperity and will create it's own dramas and distractions to fill in the boredom. I don't know if softness is the right word for it; lack of maturity may be a better description. Kobe and Fisher aren't soft. Pau's "softness" is way overblown. Bynum doesn't play soft, he's just infantile sometimes. LO and Ariza aren't soft at all; LO just drifts into outer space sometimes.

    Maybe a swift kicking by the Celts on Christmas Day will do the trick.
     
    #9 A_3PO, Dec 12, 2008
  10. across110thstreet

    across110thstreet Contributing Member

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    their schedule at the beginning of the season is even softer...
     
    #10 across110thstreet, Dec 12, 2008
  11. yobod

    yobod Member

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    Aren't Serbia and Slovenia like.....the hardest places in the world to grow up? I'm pretty sure you put a thug-ass gangsta from Inglewood in Serbia, and at the first car bomb, or pipe bomb explosion, he would high-tail it back to the States in a second. In fact, I think this should be a reality show. You know Fox would air it.
     
    #11 yobod, Dec 12, 2008
  12. MrButtocks

    MrButtocks Contributing Member

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    I was just about to say...Serbia isn't a comfy place to grow up. It must have been even worse when players like Radmanovic and Vujacic were young, when their countries were actual warzones.
     
    #12 MrButtocks, Dec 12, 2008
  13. 3814

    3814 Contributing Member

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    First thing I was going to mention as well...

    Yeah, Chicago and Inglewood are way tougher than a war-torn region :rolleyes:
     
    #13 3814, Dec 12, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2008
  14. Angkor Wat

    Angkor Wat Member

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    Anyone who saw the Finals could see that the Celtics had their number. They are soft to a certain extent but they do have Kobe to win games.
     
    #14 Angkor Wat, Dec 12, 2008
  15. SuperStar

    SuperStar Member

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    I wonder if it's because of all the rule changes that caused an increase in the number of softer players in the NBA or if it's just something that's generational. Maybe it's the increase of foreign players.
     
    #15 SuperStar, Dec 12, 2008
  16. Apollo Creed

    Apollo Creed Contributing Member

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    The Lakers may be soft but that was just a terrible, whiny article. It reads like a BBS post after a loss.
     
    #16 Apollo Creed, Dec 12, 2008
  17. redao

    redao Member

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    it is the money. Rich guys do not even move, whether ball or sex.

    It is the pollution. men, women, men-like-women,gays. it was used to be just two sexes.

    It is the internet, where you can be as man as you like without showing up in real life.
     
    #17 redao, Dec 12, 2008
  18. Northside Storm

    Northside Storm Contributing Member

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    lol

    That is probably the dumbest s*** I have ever heard.

    you know, serbia...war, genocide and NATO bombs. Bound to produce soft players :rolleyes:
     
    #18 Northside Storm, Dec 12, 2008
  19. ShadyMcGrady

    ShadyMcGrady Contributing Member

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    They did fold to the Celtics last season...

    I mean they really phoned it in during game 6...
     
    #19 ShadyMcGrady, Dec 13, 2008
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