In the past few years I've noticed something about my interaction with women. There will be some girls that from the moment I meet them I hit it off with them and have all the confidence in the world. Then there are those girls who, though I'm physically attracted to, I can't seem to find the right words or things just don't come out the same way. So I come to Clutchfans to ask whether the latter cases are just instances of lack of confidence or lack of chemistry? Is it possible to be smooth and confident with every single woman out there? I find it that I can relax around some but not all women I'm attracted too....can't explain it.
its probably the ones you like the most that make you the most nervous. although i would say, if you aren't enjoying being around them at all, regardless of how smooth or confident you are, its probably a lack of chemistry.
I HATE ladder theory. We as human beings should evolve past all that. But anyway... I think it's more zero chemistry. They're probably not responding to you, and hey, who wants that? Keep talking to the ones who like you for who you are, whether you're coming across "smooth" or not. They are probably making you feel smooth because they are interested or friendly. And that's good (unless you're one of those hopeless game-playing, thrill of the chase kind of people).
Rox -- It could easily be a combination of both. Its certainly a normal thing to feel nervous when faced with attractive women; chemistry also plays a part as well. But if its YOU and YOUR interactions that are causing YOU difficulty with YOUR confidence, then its time for some good 'ol self exploration in the self-esteem department. On the surface, I'd say that yes, of course its possible for a person to be confidant with everyone they meet. But a given person is the only one who can truly answer this question as it pertains to them. I haven't seen you in forever. Welcome back, if that's the case.
the ones you're comfortable with you don't care what they think b/c you're not attracted to them. that's what makes you attractive to them. but when you're around those you like, you start acting gay.
lol...I can see where that happens. It is like the one's I think are hot I start walking on eggshells watching what I say and what not. But then how do you get past those awkward moments and just relax. It could be that our personalities don't match and what not. What can you do to make the atmosphere more relaxed and not so damn tense....
Wouldn't it also matter if you were having a good day at work or school or both, and then you tried to talk to some chick who was having her natural monthly thing? How about if you're happy and she's not, and vice versa? There are too many factors to consider here, man. I agree with ima_drummer2k. We'll all be yourself. Dude... at least wrap your comment in SPOILER tags or something... : puke :
well thats the problem, when he's himself, he acts like a 5 year old kid around attractive girls. better advice Just. Be. Someone else
that. never. works. seriously, if you're doing something wrong or striking out with more than half the girls you meet, being yourself ISN'T WORKING. granted it could be chemistry, but odds are there's something about yourself you DO need to change. confidence, more of a sense of humor, blah blah blah. if you're the most boring person on the planet, here's a novel idea, you need to change it.
Don't write them all off as lack of confidence on your part. Some people just don't click well or at all with others, such is life.
I'd venture to say that it worked for the majority of married (or otherwise attached) guys on this site. If she doesn't appreciate you for who you really are, you probably don't want to be with her anyway. I mean, assuming you're looking for something more than just a warm place to put it for the night.
See, I think that would be the case if there weren't certain circumstances involved. I don't have problem meeting women when I want to. In fact I've had women ask me for my info on several occassions. I just tend to feel around said 'hot' women I have to have my shiat together. For instance, I just recently got a car and just landed a career job. So that helps alleviate some of the things that would make me insecure around some women. It also doesn't help that one of the girls in question happens to be the sibling of a close friend....here we go...
if you simply stopped caring about what they think about you, it'll improve your chances with the hot girls tenfold. but i know it's just not that easy. when you stop trying to impress, she's impressed.
The ones you gain peace with are those that share a spiritual connection. They are attracted to a part of you in a spiritual way. That is a very special bond and can make true friendships and lasting relationships. Any man that claims that he has dominion over any woman knows no woman, rather women are mere obtects surrounding his self-centeredness. I wouldn't worry about this too much.
