[CHRONIC] Texans to give back profit, slash ticket prices?

http://blogs.chron.com/jeromesolomon/

In a groundbreaking move, Texans owner Bob McNair will return to the City of Houston and its taxpayers all profits made from the operation of his football team over the past seven years.

This is an unprecedented and absolutely stunning development, but with the embarrassment and ridicule the city has endured thanks to the Texans it's the least McNair could do.

Remember the words of Chuck Watson, McNair's former partner in trying to bring an NFL and/or an NHL team here?

"Maybe we're better off spending our money on the performing arts or the needy," Watson said when he dissolved the partnership.

McNair could have just given rebates to season ticket holders and others who have bought individual tickets to oh-so-many Texans' debacles, but because all of the citizens — whether they care about the NFL or not — contributed to pay for his little toy, he has decided to give back to us all.

"I didn't get in this business to make money; I got in to win a championship," McNair told the Chronicle's John McClain. "I want our players to feel the same way."

And since he really feels that way — and is not just taking a cheap shot at players he so hates to pay — he is going to put his money (well, mostly your money) where his mouth is and stop making money. It is not like he's winning any championships.

Yeah, you cynics out there would say he has done such a better job at making money than winning championships, that you're not buying the championships over money thing, but who are you going to believe, McNair or your lying eyes?

In related news, the Texans announce the following:

• U of H and Rice offered free use of Reliant Stadium, as scheduling permits. (And of course they get to keep the profits from those games.)
• High school functions (graduations, football games, battles of the bands, ROTC drill team competitions, grass growing contests, etc.) will be free and set up on a first-come, first-served basis.
• An estimated 50 percent of Texans' TV money will go toward local schools instead of McNair's pocket.
• The two full-priced farces otherwise known as preseason games will now be free, un-ticketed events.
• One random Houstonian, preferably one who can't play a lick of football, will be put on the payroll and given $40 million over the next five years just because. (People named David Carr are not eligible for this prize.)
• To enhance the Game Day experience, every ticket holder (if he or she so desires) will be given a personal cheerleader for the day.
• More moves to ensure the ledger hits zero to come.

What McNair is doing is pretty simple, actually, and quite genius. How many other businessmen are shrewd enough to get into a $ billion business NOT to make money? McNair likely will go down as an all-time Houston hero, even if his sad sack of a franchise never wins a Super Bowl.

Reliant Stadium, already one of the loudest stadiums in the country on those days the team shows up and everybody gets to their seats and the other team doesn't score early, and the roof is closed despite the gorgeous weather outside and the coach had a game plan that works and ... where were we?

Oh, the stadium gets loud, but can you imagine how raucous Reliant will be now? A new tradition will begin. There will never be booing inside this wondrous building again — win or lose. Not at these prices, and with a team owned by such a wonderful guy.

McNair will stop selling beer at topless club prices. He will not raise ticket prices — even if the NFL-mandated salary cap forces him to dig into his own pocket to pay his players — until the team wins a championship or posts two winning seasons in a row. {NOTE: The original plan called for just one lousy winning season, but McNair figured that even with the team's ragged approach, it might get lucky one year and win more than it loses.}

Did we mention that there will be free parking at Reliant Stadium? And if you're in the lucky parking space chosen each week, McNair and a couple of the players who are on the inactive list for that day's game will come to your tailgate and work the grill.

He plans to lower the prices on everything immediately — a 75-percent reduction on tickets and concession items — with the franchise having only two goals: breaking even and winning a championship.

Because, remember, McNair didn't get into this business to make money.

• • •

Twitter correspondent @benmontez reports that the Texans announce PSL monies are being returned.

We have yet to confirm that, repeat, we have yet to confirm that.

We heard somewhere that if you were silly enough to purchase a PSL, you either like being mistreated or the money didn't mean that much to you anyway. Thanks for the donation.

Again, don't get all upset, that's just what we heard at the barbershop. Perhaps the Texans will revisit the issue.

• • •

Across town — and this also is unconfirmed — Drayton McLane and Les Alexander said they have no plans to match McNair's moves.

They want to win championships too — one has won a couple and the other has gotten close — but make money while doing it.

"Is this a trick? Not in this business to make money? How stupid does he think we are?" someone at Minute Maid Park said.

"He sure acted like he was getting into the business to make money when he was fighting Les Alexander at every turn to beat him with getting a footbal team in Houston," someone at toyota Center said.