Mattel has announced the release of models of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the Houston area market: River Oaks Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at The Avenues Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version. The Woodlands Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your choice of Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit. 4th Ward Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with tinted windows and her own Meth Lab kit. This model is available after dark and can be paid for only in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you're a cop. Then we don't know what you're talking about. Kingwood Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. But you can't afford them anyway. Pasadena Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and has a tattoo of a Tweety bird on her shoulder. She has big, stiff hair, a six pack of Bud Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and can kick Mullet-haired Kenny doll's a$$ when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get its Confederate flag bumper stickers absolutely free. Inner Loop Barbie: This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard-print beach outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while she entertains friends at the beach house. Percocet prescription available. Westheimer Barbie: This doll is made of actual tofu, has long gray hair and archless feet, sandals with white socks, no makeup and a mutt. She prefers that you call her "Willow." Beaumont Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased her beer-gutted boyfriend out of Pasadena Barbie's house. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with your choice of lips covered in a sparkly pink or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the back and a white see-through halter-top. Accessories include: CD-player equipped with Bon Jovi and a rusty old Ford pick up.
pretty damn funny, did you make that up? I never knew one person from Kingwood who went to a private school , though. Most of the teenagers I hung out with hated growing up there and got out as fast as possible.
I got this joke a couple of days ago... I love the 4th Ward Barbie with a "Ray Lewis knife".. I also like the Pasadena Barbie with the Wrangler jeans 2 sizes too small...
You forgot talking corporate Rockets fan Barbie, complete with business suit, lap top, and cell phone. The phrases she says include: "I wish those damn fans in the upper deck would be quiet while I talk with my stockbroker!" "The score? How the hell should I know?" "GO ROCKETS! BEAT THE......umm...psst! Who are we playing, again?"
You fogot Bay Area Barbie She likes to ride in a jeep with Quicksilver Ken...and pretends to go surfing down in Galveston...but c'mon, its Galveston...
I don't get this one. The Inner Loop Barbie's that I've seen are all pale-skinned and wearing a bandana on head, long shorts, flip-flops, white t-shirt, no bra, no make-up, driving a beat up Gremlin with a 90.1 KPFT bumper sticker on the back.
"Beaumont Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased her beer-gutted boyfriend out of Pasadena Barbie's house. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with your choice of lips covered in a sparkly pink or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the back and a white see-through halter-top. Accessories include: CD-player equipped with Bon Jovi and a rusty old Ford pick up." as a long time resident of Beaumont, I have to say that made me laugh so hard I spit cherry 7up all over my monitor
Don't forget Rice University Barbie: This plus-size doll comes with "natural proportions" (i.e. wide hips and minimalist bust) and has flat brown hair (either cut like a boy's or shoulder length and pulled back into a bun). She can be instantly recognized by a lack of makeup, her thrift store jeans and T-shirt (usually bearing a corporate logo for irony's sake) and thick, black cat's eye frame glasses. Comes with a beaten up backpack (which rides upon her slouching shoulders), a French existentialist textbook and the latest Belle & Sebastian CD. Lists here idols as Camilla Paglia, Patti Smith and Thora Birch's character in Ghost World.
Houston has a west side : Bellaire barbie : Galleria barbie : http://www.ariadne.org/studio/michelli/barbfirst.jpg I don't have a sugarland barbie.
This is right on the money. Minimalist bust is being generous. If you consider mosquito bites to be 'minimalist', then fine.
I gather y'all didn't like Rice's selection of women too much. I guess it depends what you're looking for in a woman. When I was there... OK, so we didn't usually dress up, wear makeup, or have big hair. I prefer to think of it as the "natural", "low-maintenance" look - hey, at least it means we're not high-maintenance chicks and aren't giving you a false impression of what we really look like. On the other hand, we weren't carrying around existentialist books (we were science and engineering majors) and.... ummm, these are definitely not mosquito bites. (sorry, I just couldn't let this one pass by without commenting )
To be fair, Rice University Ken looks almost the same as Rice University Barbie (except Ken has bigger boobs). I went to UH. We don't even get a Barbie - just an empty box.
