Here's a Christmas Funny

The Night Before Christmas as read by Lawyers to their children
>
> Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at
> a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "The House") a
> general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not
> limited to a mouse.
>
> A variety of foot apparel, e.g., socking, socks, etc., had been
> affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or
> belief that St. Nick a/k/a St. Nicholas a/k/a Santa Claus (Hereinafter
> "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter.
>
> The minor residents, i.e, the children, of the aforementioned House
> were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal
> hallucinations, i.e., dreams, wherein visions of confectionery treats,
> including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did
> dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.
>
> Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred
> to as "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the
> party of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had
> retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties
> were clad various forms of headgear, e.g., kerchief and cap).
>
> Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon
> the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House,
> i.e., the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or
> circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a
> window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.
>
> At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some
> degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the
> "Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by
> approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared
> to be and in fact was the previously referenced Claus.
>
> Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance
> to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified
> the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen,
> Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon
> information and belief, it is further asserted an additional
> co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been involved.)
>
> The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer
> intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several
> residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and
> noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other
> items of unknown origin and nature.
>
> Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or
> implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said
> House via the chimney. Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which
> was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a
> large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys,
> and other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in
> a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health
> regulations. Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the
> stockings of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney,
> with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however,
> constitute "gifts" to said minors pursuant to applicable provisions of
> the Canada Tax Code.)
>
> Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and
> flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof
> where the Vehicle and the Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts."
> Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination. However, prior
> to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the
> party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry
> Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.
> Ho Ho Ho!!!

 

Done.

 

I'm gonna be surrounded by lawyers all weekend.

 

It just keeps reminding me why I haven't gone to law school yet.

 

It means that there's a 33% chance I'd end up like you...I don't like those odds.