GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT LITTLE CHILDREN LEARNED. 1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2. When your Mom is mad at Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 4. You can't trust dogs to watch your food. 5. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 6. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. 7. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 8. The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap. GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED. 1. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-o to a tree. 2. Wrinkles don't hurt. 3. Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts. 4. Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside. 5. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD. 1. Growing old is mandatory...growing up is optional. 2. Forget the health food. You need all the preservatives you can get. 3. it's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. 4. Time may be a great healer, but it is a lousy beautician. 5. Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE. 1. You believe in Santa Claus. 2. You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3. You are Santa Claus. 4. You look like Santa Claus. SUCCESS DEFINED. 1. At age 4, success is not peeing in your pants. 2. At age 12, success is having friends. 3. At age 17, success is having a driver's license. 4. At age 20, success is having sex. 5. At age 35, success is having money. 6. At age 50, success is having money. 7. At age 60, success is having sex. 8. At age 70, success is having a driver's license. 9. At age 75, success is having friends. 10. At age 80, success is not peeing in your pants
