Bad Puns, got any?

My brother has a fever and his head feels hot. I don't care because he treats me bad and he is always cold.

 

Once I ate two pieces of string and they came out tied together. I **** you not.

 

What do you call bad paper? Terrible.

 

How do you organise a party in space?

You planet.

 

Constipated people don't give a s***.

 

What did the fish say when he hit the wall?

Damn.

 

Lil Pun is not.

 

Hear about the lady who backed into a fan?


Dis-a$$ed-her / Disaster

 

He had a difficult time bouncing back
from his bungee cord accident.....:grin:
.......
.......
.......

 

I tried to make my buddy laugh by telling him ten of my best puns...

...but no pun in ten did.

 

Why is there no gambling in Africa? Too many cheetahs

 

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned, couldn't concentrate. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe. After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting. I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it. Then I tried to be a chef--figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn't have the thyme. Finally, I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy. I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patients. Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in. I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income. Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell. I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn't up to it. So then I got a job in a gymnasium (work-out-center), but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking. After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it. My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

 

saw a documentary about a girlwith 12 t***.
Sounds crazy
dozen tit?

 

My wife asked if I had a taco addiction but I told her its nacho problem.

 

The suns lost nash, thats dragic.

 

Pokémon: Jamaican proctologist.