You Need Your Azz Beat (YNYAB)

Royals Ego · Aug 4, 2011

VanityHalfBlack said: ↑

YNYAB
Click to expand...

index finger?

javal_lon · Aug 4, 2011

If attempt a citizens arrest and you have warrants.....YNYAB

SwoLy-D · Aug 4, 2011

Ohhh... I see... you have to add "ass", else people are thinking you're saying "You must be a Redneck"... got it... :grin:

Jeff Foxworthy said:

You Might Be A Redneck if >>
Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.

You shop for groceries at a gas station.

If you've ever had to haul a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend you sister's honor..

For a good time, you go nuts at the local Auto Zone.

Going to the bathroom late at night requires shoes and a flashlight.

You're ever been arrested for relieving yourself in an ice machine.

When you talk about great mullet fishermen, Granny's name always comes up.

You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.

You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the "House of Tattoos".

It's Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

You burn your front yard rather than mow it.

Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.

If washing your clothes requires walking down to the creek.

You have a tire swing in your house.

The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

You own a homemade fur coat.

Ya celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!!)

Your smartest friend has a eighth grade education.

You have Mason jars filled with stuff the FBI can't identify.

You take a fishing pole to Sea World.

You give away more free puppies than the Humane Society.

You forego a haircut because there's not a clean bowl in the house.

You can give the date and place of every bullet hole in your car.

You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.

Your talent in the local beauty pageant was making noises with your armpit.

You've ever named a child after a good dog.

You have every episode of "Hee Haw" on tape.

If you have more dogs than children.

The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

You think the phrase "chicken out" means one of your pets has escaped.

You were 22 before you quit falling for, "Hey, wanta play '52 Pickup?'"

You have to scratch your sisters name out of the message: "for a good time call . .", because you feel guilty about putting it there...

You have more than two brothers named Bubba.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

Your Christmas tree is still up in February.

The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (you insurance man is one too if he pays you for it).

The ASPCA raids your kitchen.

You call your boss "Buddy", on a regular basis.

You have a cigarette hangin' out of your mouth in your wedding pictures.

The fountain at your wedding spewed beer instead of champagne.

Girls' night out is held at the laundromat.

You think cur is a breed of dog.

Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.

You do not know anyone who owns less than ten guns.

Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.

You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

There is a puddle in your driveway year-round.

You have a special baseball cap, just for formal occassions.

You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.

You've ever cleaned fish in your living room.

You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.

You write off a radiator as a business expense.

Your best ashtray is a turtle shell.

Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.

Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.

You have to take the entire day off work to have your teeth cleaned.

Your sewage system consists of a pipe down the hillside.

You're not allowed to mention the game warden's name in the house.

If you think putting screens on your house's windows would just impede your aim.

You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

You wash your car more often than your kids.

You bring your dog to work with you.

Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.

If you see a sign and it says "say no to crack" and it reminds you to pull your jeans up..

You were shooting pool when your kids were born.

If you clean your house with a waterhose.

People are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe.

You say, "I heard dat!" more than three times in a two-minute conversation.

Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

You're an expert on worm beds.

Your dog doubles as your dishwasher.

You hang pickled eggs and pop-tops from your Christmas tree.

Your parrot can say, "Open up, it's the police!"

If you've ever cut your grass and found a car..

You've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

If you start all your e-mails with the words "HOWDY Y'ALL"

Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.

Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.

You spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass cuz it was cheaper than flowers!

You've ever been too drunk to fish.

Your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

Your local newspaper has a front-page feature called "Cow of the Week."

The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.

You've ever asked a widow for her phone number at the funeral home.

If the fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year,"

Your house has tires and most of your cars don't.

You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.

There is a wasp nest in your living room.

You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

You've ever vacationed in a rest area.

There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.

Your mother gives you tips on how to sneak liquor into sports events.

Your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

If your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board..

Your bumper sticker says, "My other car is a combine."

You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!", "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin'?" (If they respond with the same... they're a redneck too!)

You barbecue Spam on the grill.

You've ever eaten out of a minnow bucket.

You have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.

The only work your father ever did was supervised by a man holding a shotgun.

You paint your car with house paint.

After making love you ask your date to roll down the window.

Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle

If you best coon hound gets a birthday present and your wife doesn't.

You use a fishing license as a form of Identification.

Anything outside the Lower 48 is "overseas."

Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.

If your dogs eat better than you.
Click to expand...

Ender120 · Aug 5, 2011

Just to clarify, are we talking blood cousins or cousins by marriage?

I've got blood cousins that I would ruin if we weren't related (key word there is if).

But if I didn't meet you until we were 17 because your mom married my uncle?

You're probably gonna get it.

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You Need Your Azz Beat (YNYAB)

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