Anyone take care of their mom?

I could not do this on a permanent basis. I would do anything at all to help my mom out, but having her live with me and my family permanently would be WAY out of the question.


DD

 

Da,

If you don't mind me asking, how is your Mom doing?

 

Get a house with a nice garage apt. You both need your own space. Regular care is good, but cornered rats bite each other.

You still have an issue with no care during work hours, if y'all are away at an office. Also, who lives in the garage apt? Are you ok with that?

You're a good son. Mom need to buy in, though, or it'll never work. Any kids on the horizon for you? Where do they play into this? It's hard to baby-sit a mischieveous toddler and mom with a broken hip. Will she need a driver, to get to the store?

Best of luck to you all, and pay us a visit sometime. Come see the new house. Let us know if we can help.

JS

 

My mom takes care of her mom. I havn't lived with my momma in a long time, but when I go up there its pretty much hell because my mom has gone from my granny's favorite child to being a "b****."

Granted, its a totally different situation since my grandma has alzheimer's and she doesn't really have that much sense anymore.

 

My mother had Cancer. She was went through several different kinds of chemo to fight it. The cancer made her sick, the chemo made her sick. Someone had to be there. She lived in Houston, and Galveston both. She was the pastor of First Christian Church of Galveston.

My brother was in a position to live with her, and help her. But there are five of us children. While my brother lived there he still worked, and wasn't in the house or at Galveston with her 100% of the time. One day he came home from work, and my mom had been walking from the kitchen to her bedroom, and just became to weak to walk. She collapsed to the floor, and didn't have the strength to push herself up. It was three hours later that my brother got home, and helped her up. She was just sitting on the floor for several hours because she had no strength left. Earlier that week she had driven herself to Galaveston and back, and was still trying to get work done.

After that, the family knew that someone had to be with her 24 hours a day. All the kids each took turns, except me because I live NY. This went on for about two weeks until she had to go to the hospital because things were getting worse.

I flew home then, for the last ten days of her life. One of us was with her 24 hours of the day then, and everyone would show up together at times, but we all took turns spending the night in chairs in the room.

Anyway, it's a lot of work if you have to be with her 24 hours. If you have some time where you can be on your own, it will be a little easier. Do you have any siblings that can help you? Taking shifts can give you a little rest and time to live your own life. I know my brother never regretted moving in with my mom, though. And I was happy for him and my mother, that our other siblings could give him a break from time to time.

I know this was long and I dont' know if it helped. I would say move in for now, but if you have any other family memembers that can take a turn helping your mother from time to time also, it would be a big help.

 

My Grandparents were like parents to me. After my Grandpa died my grandmother came to live with my wife and I who were newly married. It helped her through a tough time and wasn't too much of a strain on our marriage. She was glad she didn't sell her home because she decided after about 6 months she was ready to try it alone. For the past two and a half years she has been living on her own seems to like it alright. My grandmother takes care of my 6 month old son at my house 3 days a week which gives her something to do and keeps us in close contact. She knows we have an open door to her at any time, regardless of reason. My wife also knows there will come a day when I will care for her until she is no longer with us. She knows we would do the same for her parents if it ever came down to it.

Take care of your mom, but never forget to make time for your wife.

Good luck.

 

My mom recently had hernia Surgery. My wife,son and I Live there. As far as your mom goes. She should always matter to you more than your wife. Don't know how else to put it other than thats your mom, the lady who gave birth to you. As far as your wife goes, If she can't understand you need to be there for your mom then she's not the lady you should be with anyway...Im not saying this in a mean way just your mom ALWAYS comes first. I think the best way to convince your mom is to show her how much you care and really want her there. LOVE brotha....thats the only way!

 

My father, who is an only child, sees his mother twice a day at the local nursing home. She doesn't have Alzheimer's, but the next worse thing in dementia. Well, she has been in the nursing home since January 2001. Thank God, my dad is retired now; however, this is a pretty crappy way of spending it...going to see someone who has forgotten who you are, screams at you, fights you for little things like eating, and even needs you to help wipe her ass after using the bathroom.

Since all of this has happened, he has lost weight (probably like 25 lbs or so), had to go on medication for depression, and has just generally had his life taken over by this. I do feel that he is doing better now, but everyone who knows him like me, my mother, sister, etc. know that this whole thing has changed him permanently.

It has been said many times in my parent's house, "Why can't she just die (talking about my granny)? That way your father's life can be given back to him." That is such an awful thing to wish for, but if you could just see what it has done to my father, then you could understand. I was never that close to my granny, but I did see her once a week with my mother. But she has gotten so bad now that I can't stomach to see it; the same holds true for my mother (although she will still go with my dad sometimes).

I love my parents dearly, especially my mother, and I would do anything I could if they got like my granny. But God, I sure hope and pray that never happens to them. Having a family member that has Alzheimer's or a similar type disease is worse than seeing them get killed in an accident. Their mind is gone but their body is strong.

 

Hey, I sell Long Term Care insurance and talk everyday with people about these matters. It's a tough road. I would encourage each of you to have your parents look into buying insurance (and you should too) in anticipation of these situations.

Buy it when you're 35, you'll be paying $40 per month. It's not just for nursing homes anymore. Wait until you're 65 and you'll be paying $250 per month in today's dollars... and $1000 per month inflation adjusted

LTC insurance funds care. Money buys choices and freedom-- both for the cared-for and the potential care-givers.

Do it.

 

My mom had hip surgery last November(Thanksgiving Day, to be exact), and she is still in pain. She had another surgery this June for the doctors to see what was wrong(Rehab usually takes 2-3 months), and they decided that they had to remove some scar tissue...Now, she says that it is only worse.

Hip Surgery is very tough, help her as much as you can...Do not let her drive/walk extensively until she is absolutely ready. Wait for the doctor to give you the okay, and then wait another few weeks.

 

HeyPee,

My grandmother lived with my family in her own flat attached to the house for the best part of 20 years, she still lives there, is in her 80s and obviously i don't live there anymore. Her personality and old stuck in the mud views (ie immigrants, unemployment benefit, general use of money and noise) make for very interesting family dynamics. When she was a bit younger she used to cook for us all once a week (at 5pm so we would all eat again at 8) although my smarmy younger brother used to sneak in there for sweets all the time. In truth i really had no problem living with except when i was in my mid teen and decided to tell her i didn't want her coming in my room and picking up my dirty underwear off the floor and cleaning that... she seemed to take great offense to that. It sure does make things rather strange at times but generally speaking it was great. But strangely i get along much better now that i have moved out, as we always used to observe when her other kids and grandchildran used to visit and now not living there i also get the special treatment.

Smeg

PS You want me to look after Shcweetie when i visit and you stay with your Mom.

 

RM95,

She is still fighting, prognossis looks good, but she undergoes Chemo about once a month.

Very promising though.

DD

 

Great news!...she'll be in my prayers.

 

It's not old-fashioned. I think it's natural, like you say, but just out-of-vogue.

I think heyp and heys should have a long talk about your expectations, how it will change things (pro and con), and a bunch of 'what-ifs'. Grab a book or two on taking care of parents. For instance, a few physical changes to her bathroom may be in order (support bars, no-slip bathtub, etc.). A phone with an intercom may be helpful also, etc.

 

Very good news, DaDakota.