Let's say there was a group of friends who all went to elementary school. Most of them were close, but there was one guy who was still I guess a staple of the group, but not really best friends with anyone. Someone who was also very strange. Fast forward to the group in their mid twenties. The core of the group is still close friends, but that one guy kept getting weirder and weirder, prompting the group to somewhat exile him after he makes some semi scary remarks to someone's girlfriend. And a boatload of just other weird and uncomfortable stuff. (Including me having to break my hand on his face) He's been heavily medicated for a while, and it seems like he's finally gone off the deep end...probably needs a friend more than ever...but none of us want to be around him...at all. I mean it's clear to his family (or at least should be by medical history) that the guy isn't all right in the head...but as people who used to be friends, what are we supposed to do?
Yeah...absolutely nothing. Don't care for the guy. But he's just someone I've known since the 3rd grade...and he looks like he's not going to make it much longer if he keeps going down this path. But none of us even freakin' feel safe around the guy.
If he was truly your friend once, then you should at least try to help. Consider the fact that he may have a mental disorder and that's why he may not be acting like his normal self. You don't have to go out with him or anything, but maybe just call or send an email and offer a hellping hand.
Tough Call While it would be nice of you to reach out and try to pull him from that place he is in . . . . it is not required. Sounds like this is more a thing for the medical community psychiatric community. I would say . . . stay in the area meaning . . .you don't necessarily need to be under him and be best friends. . but general . .check in on him from time to time gage his ability to be receptive and tolerable I would say not to put yourself or your mental health at risk Rocket RIver I have two rules about being GREAT FRIENDS and it has to be Adhered to by both sides 1. Be willing to give your life for friend. 2. Never putting a friend in the position to have to give his life for you If someone is not willing to go all out for you . . or is putting you in a bad position . .. often . . I would question the friendship
Sounds like the guy needs to be hospitalized. * * not a psychiatrist, nor did I stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
I'm thinking a group beatdown will set him right. But in all honesty, you need to be loyal to your friend. You are selling him out if you disassociate yourself from him for some temporary problems. Friends are people who usually stick with you in the good and bad times.
So .. . this is less about friendship as oppose to how far to stretch out to a fellow human being in need He is not your friend but a guy you know going through a hard patch. I would just say . . .don't do anything you will regret or leave you in a bad positions. Be Careful You are your 1st and primary responsibility Rocket River
Well, the last time I saw the guy he was unconscious by my hand. This was two months ago and we haven't spoken since. And I've never really cared for him...he was just there. Some of the other guys in our group considered him more of a friend than I did. My best friend (someone who this guy really likes) was in town on leave from the Navy about a week ago, and our group of friends got together in for it. And this weird friend of ours wasn't invited out because it was that guy's girlfriend who he has been sending uncomfortable and weird messages to. Those two ended up arguing on the phone that night about it. Anyway, the weird guy signs onto facebook and myspace like ten times daily...but he hasn't been online since that night. And no one I've talked to has called him or texted him or anything. So that's kinda where this thread is coming from.
This is so tough. I've been in more situations like the one you've described than I've wanted to be. Strange as it sounds, most of my good friends from back home have gone down "bad paths" of one kind or another... I'm like that one oddball who's "successful." So, let me tell you a story about one of them. It's not conclusive either way, but maybe it'll give you something to think on. So we'll call this guy Frank. Frank became a very good friend of mine in 5th grade. Frank had a bit of a temper, but he worked hard and seemed to be going down a successful path, despite being a somewhat poor student. I considered him one of my best, most loyal friends for a long time. He dropped out of his first year of college and became a full-time Taekwondo instructor. He had a very long-term girlfriend, and things seemed like they were gonna be okay. His biggest problem was that he seemed to either make a really stupid decision once every two months or so, or run into a spot of really bad luck. Like I said, mostly intelligent guy, but just woke up r****ded some days. He also tends to blame his problems on everyone but himself... not big into the personal responsibility thing. His girlfriend later leaves him for someone more stable. He starts chasing after younger girls and develops a severe drinking problem. I saw him about three months in, and his hands were noticably shaking because he hadn't any booze for a number of hours, and the guy attacked me when I refused to give him alcohol. He then started in on cocaine and weed on top of the alcohol, and pretty soon he was homeless and living in the back of his Taekwondo school when he could get away with it. He managed to get a DUI soon after. At this point, he finds himself in some legal trouble with an underage girl. Now, mind you, it was dumb of him to even be hanging around her, but the charges were false. Problem is she was a rich white girl, and he was a Latino who was $30,000 in debt. Who would you believe? He was not a pleasant person to be around at this point. None of the old circle of friends wanted anything to do with him. But, not wanting to see the rest of his life completely ruined because of a trumped-up charge, I gave him some financial help. He used it to beat the charges. Then I told him to get his a** back in school, get a degree, and get the hell back on his feet. He said he would. Well, right after those charges got dropped, he got himself back in school. Went for a couple months... dropped an English class, which pissed me off, but at least he was in school. Then he went up to Lake Tahoe for a weekend, and his truck got destroyed in a freak fire at the hotel he and his friend were staying at. He used not having a truck as an excuse to not even try making it to his classes. He's since quit school again, works as a waiter at some nowhere restaurant, and spends all his free time smoking weed. Now, I don't like the guy anymore. That happened a long time ago. I'm glad I gave him a helping hand once, because the guy used to be my friend, and everyone deserves a second chance. But I also gotta watch out for myself. It's a bad idea to help someone who won't even try to help themselves. IMO, you should reach out to the guy at least once, try just being there for him a little... but also remember that it's not your responsibility to "save" him.
Don't let the guilt of the smackdown cloud the choice in front of you. It sounds, from what you are saying, that this guy is sick and needs help. As far as his well being goes, I know whenever I have a choice about my own well being laid in front of me, I try to make things a simple as possible. So really ask yourself is he a friend, or an aquaintance? Do I have to talk to him about this, or can I notify someone (i.e., his family)that I am concerned about this guy, and they should check up on him? I say talk to some of the people in your group first who are closer to him than you are, tell them you are concerned, and come to a conclusion with their help.
Yeah, and there's way more where that came from, unfortunately... A really important aspect of this is the guy's disposition towards being helped. If he knows he has a problem and wants to get better, then great... help him out. If he takes no responsibility for any of it and is looking to be "saved," then it would probably be a bad idea for you to step in. Do what you can for people, but protect yourself. Don't waste time trying to save people who can't be saved. Frank was okay for awhile after I helped him, but it was temporary, because ultimately it was his dumb decisions that got him in trouble. He never sincerely resolved to change, so he just ended up right back where he started. So try to figure out if this guy is another Frank, or if he could truly get back on a good long-term path with a little help.
The length of time you have known someone does not define how strong a friendship is. By your accounts, this guy barely qualifies as a friend, if at all. Sounds like he may have been a friend a long while ago, but not all friendships last. If you no longer consider him a friend, don't bother with him.
