Hilarious - 1. XFL team trainer: What with the concussions, tears, breaks, lacerations and dismemberments that are a weekly part of football, NFL trainers already have one of the most demanding jobs in sports. But just think what it will be like for the trainers in the XFL, which figures to produce more blood and broken bones per minute than a Quentin Tarantino flick. I mean, what genius decided that what this world really needed was a sport even more violent, sexist and offensive than the NFL? 2. Vince McMahon's wife. 3. Los Angeles Clippers ticket scalper: All right, who needs tickets? I've got a great pair one row behind the Clippers bench. What am I offered? C'mon, these are killer tickets. Darius Miles is right in front of you. Lamar Odom is right in front of you -- all right, the cheerleaders are right there in front of you. Doesn't anybody need tickets? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Hey, cut me some slack here -- all I'm asking is half-price. ... 4. David Wells' dietician: No, David. Heineken is not one of the four basic food groups. 5. Beer vendor exclusively assigned to upper deck section of Comiskey Park: You think Frank Thomas had a lot on his shoulders carrying the White Sox offense? Try scaling the vertical face of Comiskey's nose-bleed sections while hauling a double-rack of MGD. If Jon Krakauer is looking for a subject for his next book, this is it. 6. Booking agent, Allen Iverson's U.S. rap tour: Sorry, Allen. Disney World cancelled. And the Lifetime network backed out of that "Iverson: Unplugged" special, too. ... 7. Mike Tyson's personal chef: And tonight we'll be serving the children in a mango chutney sauce ... 8. Diamondbacks equipment manager: Clubhouse guys regularly work their rears off during the season, reporting hours before most players and staying hours later to pick up jockstraps and make sure everyone has what they need. Add to that the challenge of keeping track of all 162 versions of the Diamondbacks day/night/alternate jerseys and caps, and making sure they're washed for the proper game. 9. Anger management counselor, Bloomington, Ind. Let's go over this again, Bob ... er, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I meant Mr. Knight. Please, just put down the vase. 10. Attorney for the Joe DiMaggio estate: Because it's a 24-7 job protecting your client's image against those shameful attempts to name a kids' playground after Joe. [/list=a] ------------------ And Florida's 25 electoral votes go to ...Ralph Nader
7. Mike Tyson's personal chef: And tonight we'll be serving the children in a mango chutney sauce ... LOL! ------------------ Vice President of the Jason Collier fan club!
1. Minnesota Timberwolves Draft Scouts 2. Electoral College Football Electors in Palm Beach who thought they were voting for Miami, but hit Florida State instead. 3. The 76'ers "Good Cop" assistant coach whose sole responsibility is to stroke Iverson's ego may not have a job soon if Larry Brown quits playing Bad Cop. 4. Psychologist for the French National Basketball Team who can't get Frederick Weis out of his prolonged depression caused from the In-My-Crotch slam by Vince Carter.
Good stuff Moe! You may have a career in stand up! ------------------ Only in America....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Shawn Kemps nutritionist Paul Pierces bodyguard Utah Jazz security: Replaced by Olden Polynice Atlanta Hawks trophy presenter Chicago Bulls ring designer ------------------ Ceo of the Walt Williams fan club. Web site coming soon atheistalliance.org
Many of these were on espn.com , I made them sound a little better ------------------ And Florida's 25 electoral votes go to ...Ralph Nader
New York Knick Wipers - Wiping up the sweat after Patrick Ewing goes to the Free Throw line. Seamstress- Denver Broncos - Making pants for John Elways but is tough. Ball boys for Golden state. They get a lot of excercise. Score Keeping for the Bengals. Very boring job. Caddy for Charles Barkley. Acting Coach for Fred McGriff (Baseball Comercial) shandon Anderson's agent ------------------ humble, but hungry.
No wonder your fantasy basketball team sucks... he's a Sonic!!! ------------------ -------------- Did you know? Derrick Chievous sucked. It's true. -- from the ClutchCity.net "Did You Know" sidebar
1) Oliver Miller's steak. ------------------ She hates testicles, thus limiting the men she can admire to Democratic candidates for president. -- John Greenway, "The American Tradition", on feminist Elizabeth Gould Davis
1)Moochie Norris' hair dresser "good lord, where does the hair end????" 2)Dallas Cowboys Drug tester "Uhh, Mr. Irvin, you tester positive for drugs i didnt even knew existed until now..." 3)Troy Aikmans personal doctor "Honestly Troy, how in the world did you get a concussion at the coin toss??" ------------------ The Rockets Championship in 2001...Be-Steve-it
A-Rods accountant ------------------ Ceo of the Walt Williams fan club. Web site coming soon atheistalliance.org
Cricket Umpire. Imagine standing behind the stumps for a 5 day test match in the middle of an Indian summer with 80,000+ Indians lighting flares and burning the stadium if their team looses badly!!! English Sports Commentator. Never talking about winning...always loosing must get tough after a while. Bengals coach/GM. What can you say about your teams losses....after all its all your fault!!! Scottie Pippens team mate. By the way loved the one about Aikmans concussions!! ------------------ Your Starting Power Forward for the Clutch City Allstars My Expert Opinion Of Steve Francis:Mate he is a special player!
Outlaw, hahaha Publicist for Rae Carruth Flight Attendant on Blazers plane: Kemp's asking for sandwhiches, Rasheed's flipping out, Quitten's blaming you for the delay and Sabonis is complaining about his back. ------------------ Ceo of the Walt Williams fan club. Web site coming soon atheistalliance.org [This message has been edited by DEANBCURTIS (edited November 22, 2000).]
LOL DEANBCURTIS, loved the flight attendent one! ------------------ The Rockets Championship in 2001...Be-Steve-it
Shawn Kemp's Waiter at Denny's "Yes Mister Kemp we know you wanted it deep fried , we apologize for the mistake" ------------------ And Florida's 25 electoral votes go to ...Ralph Nader
Low Blow Dr Dunk. When Hill gets back I'll wipe you off the court. P.S. I saw Marv Albert's Mistress at a press conference in the Washington Downtown Marriott several years ago. Her lawyer did all the talking. Nasty looking that day. ------------------ humble, but hungry. [This message has been edited by PhiSlammaJamma (edited November 22, 2000).]
