That is the part that concerns me the most, would be good if both had their own accounts and money was separated while being together.
There is a level of difficulty there. Feeling responsible for the person but knowing you need to separate Rocket River
The self-judgment really sneaks up on many of us -- that the word "divorce" somehow means someone is a failure or deeply flawed. I guess that's a societal thing we grew up with, not sure. A divorced person simply took advantage of an sensible option for them and their former partner. At a practical level, we don't have to make it more complicated than that, in terms of self-image. If I hadn't gotten divorced from my starter marriage -- peace be upon her -- I never could have hooked up with Mrs. B-Bob. Got very lucky on round #2.
More and more men are finding that being Alone is preferable. Not to be political but they thing about Feminism has done is taken away the NEED/PRESSURE to marry All the things that use to be exclusive in a marriage . . .. are readily available now The only down side is not being a every day dad .. . but everything else is out there without the burden of responsibility Rocket River
We still do that. Use a "house account" for everything we do as a couple, including vacations. But when I go out with pals, or she goes out with pals, we're using our "own" separate pile of funds. Been great b/c I don't care about her shopping or whatever girlie things she buys, and she doesn't care if I get another piece of electronics, etc. I mean, everyone finds their own path of course, but I don't think couples have to just pool all their assets and hope nobody gets stressed.
Every case is completely different. There's no way to quantify it. I think the average in TX is $20k...but mine cost no where near that. Child support is based on who gets custody and how much they make. We did have to sell the house but only because I wanted the funds to pay down the large amount of debt she created and that I was still partially responsible for. I could've kept it but it was too much house for 3 of us (and me alone for 1/2 the time) plus a lot of major expenses were coming (having to re-plaster the pool, roof was getting up there, etc). Exactly what my wife and I do now. One account that pays the bills and whatever we do as a family...and we both have our own for whatever we want.
Damn, man. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's my worst nightmare, to be honest. I'm missing my boys right now and I just dropped them off at school 6 hours ago. I can't imagine being away from them for any extended amount of time. Don't know what else to say without using a tired, meaningless cliché that you (and everyone else going through this) have probably heard a million times...just sorry, man.
For those saying they have joint and separate accounts when lawyers come in the mix they want to see both statements. After marriage everything goes half. Credit card debts also. Everything after separation goes to however conceived the debt that’s a different story. Also retirement funds goes half then a Qdro is made. Unless prenup or no lawyers involved, y’all can sit down and talk about who keeps what. At this point if she don’t want to talk it goes to mediation then judge if that doesn’t go well(more money involved w more lawyer fees). Property of assets goes half after marriage no matter whose name it’s under.
Dude, you keep asking this, bless your heart. There is a HUGE range of costs depending mainly on the assets, incomes, and savings involved, right? It's not like buying shampoo or a motorcycle, where you can look up a price tag (unfortunately).
I went through a divorce when I was 34. There was infidelity involved on her part, but things had gone way off course long before that, I just never saw it. In hindsight, she was absolutely not the right woman for me. More like she was just the first nice, attractive woman that showed me any real interest (that I picked up on). My advice is this: I know you said she is still the love of your life. But if you look back, I guarantee you'll find some things, red flags, critical moments, where you can see how things went wrong. It might take a lot of therapy, but you should be able to drill down. There is value in working through that, because applying those lessons learned to your next relationship can go a LONG way to making your next marriage (if you decide to go that route) a much happier one. When I took stock and realized the qualities in a woman that I really valued and would make me happy, I immediately saw the myriad ways that my first wife was wrong for me. I've been remarried now for almost 7 years. We are pretty perfect for each other and far, far happier than either ever were in our previous marriages. Nothing about this situation is a failure for you unless you don't learn something from it.
