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Seated Wiping Tutorial

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by Caesar, Dec 23, 2019.

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  1. Caesar

    Caesar Member

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    For as long as I could remember, I've been a standing wiper. It's just what's comfortable for me. But, it makes a mess and squishes everything together when you stand and i'm tired of the endless wiping. I use A LOT of tp. Before I used wet wipes, I was amazed at how much you can still clean after you finish using so much toilet paper. Wet wipes are a MUST. But, there are times when you aren't home that you can't take wet wipes with you and you're left with poop smeared booty butt cheeks and even run out of tp.

    So it's time to learn how to wipe sitting down.

    I don't know how the hell to do it efficiently and effectively.

    It's so incredibly uncomfortable. You lean all the way to one cheek and stick your hand down in the disgusting toilet bowl and try not to touch the seat? How do you really get up there at that angle? I end up cramping up and still feel dirty deep inside.
     
    #1 Caesar, Dec 23, 2019
  2. TMac'n

    TMac'n Member

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    / thread

    BTW, I stand wipe to this day. My wife complains about the dingle berry mess I leave on the bathroom floor when I do this.

    I just hate reaching my hand in the toilet

    I will stand wipe for the rest of my life. You'll never convince me otherwise
     
    #2 TMac'n, Dec 23, 2019
    tmoney1101 and Caesar like this.
  3. TMac'n

    TMac'n Member

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    On a separate note, my wife's car has one of those steering wheel warmers and everytime I use it, it reminds me of a warm toilet seat. After driving for a bit and once the steering wheel is full on warm, I feel a sense of violation and turn it off.

    Also the button icon just resembles a stinky steering wheel. Gross

    [​IMG]
     
    #3 TMac'n, Dec 23, 2019
    B-Bob likes this.
  4. Nook

    Nook Member

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    You remember them when you wonder why you don't get laid as often as you would like.
     
    #4 Nook, Dec 23, 2019
  5. mtbrays

    mtbrays Member
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    Dude, change your diet and buy a bidet attachment if you're cleaning up that much.
     
    #5 mtbrays, Dec 23, 2019
  6. donkeypunch

    donkeypunch Member

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    What are you, 5?
     
    #6 donkeypunch, Dec 23, 2019
    conquistador#11, Severe Rockets Fan, Jayzers_100 and 4 others like this.
  7. Os Trigonum

    Os Trigonum Okogie Only Fan
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    #7 Os Trigonum, Dec 23, 2019
    Duncan McDonuts and Nook like this.
  8. Buck Turgidson

    Buck Turgidson Member

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    I'm trying to figure out how the hell you can wipe while standing up. Honestly did not know this is a thing people do.
     
    #8 Buck Turgidson, Dec 23, 2019
    BigM, Jayzers_100, B-Bob and 3 others like this.
  9. boomboom

    boomboom I GOT '99 PROBLEMS

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    The "Shop Related Products" ads for this thread are awesome!



    Coffee up top...butt wipes down below.
     
    #9 boomboom, Dec 23, 2019
    FrontRunner likes this.
  10. OmegaSupreme

    OmegaSupreme Member

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    Immediately thought of Twilight Zone: The Movie peanut butter burger scene. :(
     
    #10 OmegaSupreme, Dec 23, 2019
  11. London'sBurning

    London'sBurning Member

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    Get one of those fancy Japanese toilets and live life like a king.
     
    #11 London'sBurning, Dec 23, 2019
  12. Buck Turgidson

    Buck Turgidson Member

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    Combat Wipes are the **** for your ****.
     
    #12 Buck Turgidson, Dec 23, 2019
  13. TMac'n

    TMac'n Member

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    I ain't even worried bruh

     
    #13 TMac'n, Dec 23, 2019
  14. dmoneybangbang

    dmoneybangbang Member

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    I thought this was going to be “which way you wipe”. Standing up to wipe seems to work better after I eat middle eastern/ Indian food.
     
    #14 dmoneybangbang, Dec 23, 2019
  15. The Captain

    The Captain Member

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    I converted to standing up in college. The mechanics of this are simple- you grab some tp, stand up to a half-squat while your legs are slightly spread so your cheeks don’t close, wipe, toss, wipe, look, toss, repeat if needed.

    By the way, fecal bacteria contamination is the biggest reason why women get way more urinary tract infections than men (that and a diet that encourages that bad sort of bacteria growth). If they converted to wiping their arse standing up it would create a natural workflow barrier where they weren’t wiping forward when they wipe their butts.
     
    #15 The Captain, Dec 23, 2019
  16. Jayzers_100

    Jayzers_100 Member

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    I always wet my toilet paper if next to a sink. Sometimes I pre-wet it before going to a stall in a public restroom....and yeah when sitting you just lift a cheek up (kinda on your tip toes for one foot) and dig in there
     
    #16 Jayzers_100, Dec 23, 2019
  17. donkeypunch

    donkeypunch Member

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    [​IMG]
     
    #17 donkeypunch, Dec 23, 2019
    boomboom likes this.
  18. KingCheetah

    KingCheetah Atomic Playboy

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    Get a bidet you peasants.
     
    #18 KingCheetah, Dec 23, 2019
  19. marks0223

    marks0223 2017 and 2022 World Series Champions
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    I have the same reaction but as a stander. I saw the video posted above but I don't see how I can make that work comfortably. Thank you Clutchfans for bringing two words together that many didn't know existed.
     
    #19 marks0223, Dec 23, 2019
  20. BigM

    BigM Member

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    Like full on standing up? That can’t be a thing. That’s just going to leave **** behind. I get like a hover or a partial squat but a full stand and wipe has to be the worst idea.
     
    #20 BigM, Dec 23, 2019
    B-Bob likes this.
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