[AMA] The Great Depression And Anxiety Thread

The dizziness of freedom.

I quote from wikipedia:
A man is standing on the edge of a tall building or cliff. When the man looks over the edge, he experiences a focused fear of falling, but at the same time, the man feels a terrifying impulse to throw himself intentionally off the edge. That experience is anxiety or dread because of our complete freedom to choose to either throw oneself off or to stay put. The mere fact that one has the possibility and freedom to do something, even the most terrifying of possibilities, triggers immense feelings of dread. Kierkegaard called this our "dizziness of freedom."

So you aren't alone. This is freedom.
It is exciting and horrifying.

Ofc the one who wrote this, Kierkegaard gave faith as the solution. But to each their own.

 

Man...Don’t do it. Don’t. I hope everything is on the up for you. If it’s not, it will be. Sometimes it seems as though there is no light ahead, but I promise there is.

I won’t get into specifics, but I’ve hit one of the hardest times in my life. It came out of nowhere. I could not believe that my life could be turned upside down in what seemed to be a matter of moments. I literally had someone try to ruin my life and they did some big time damage. At first I was so angry and asking why. I was also wallowing in my own garbage sadness that kept me from getting out of this mess. Things are definitely turning around now. Ok, enough about me.

No matter what you’re going through it will pass. Surround yourself with people that truly love you and want what’s best for you. Eliminate all the fat, because it just adds to the mess. I hope you’re not alone... I don’t know what it is you have gone through or are going through, but the this world is better with you in it.

if you ever want to reach out, feel free. All my best, man.

 

Spoiler

Whiskey & nyquil, damn. I was gonna ask how.
Here I am thinking of ways to end it myself...gun, hanging, suffocation, cutting/stabbing, all this brutal ****.
Anyways, hope you're doing well(as well as can be at this point in time), glad you're still alive. Wishing you all the best.

 

OP I am very glad you opted for NyQuil. I'm not sure how much of that it would take to hurt a person, but I'm glad you didn't find out.

take good care and thanks for starting this thread.

 

Good luck da_juice. I’ve been struggling with a dark place but am finally making some changes and see the light at the end of the tunnel. It gets better. I’m always free to talk too because the last 1.5 years have been rough.

 

The old rule is, that people who really want to die tend to do something physically violent, like knife, gun, hanging - something that will physically damage their body. Not a hard and fast rule, but a general guideline from a bunch of studies in the 60's and 70's.

When you get really stressed and depressed, people apparently naturally start thinking about wanting to die as a fantasy escape from their problems, but actually wanting to die is a whole different thing. Learning that difference is a valuable lesson, even if it came at the cost it came at.

When I was 16 or so, I downed a bottle of NyQuill and a bunch alcohol several times for "fun". I was tragically stupid at that age as many are.

Glad you are well.

 

I dunno what to say but Stay strong mang!

 

Over the counter hallucinogen. I too robo-tripped in high school.

 

Compare and contrast the Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act with the current Trump tariffs. Please write a concise answer juxtaposing the two and make a salient prediction on the impact the Trump tariffs will have on the US economy over the next decade.

 

Removed

 

I am not the OP but I certainly have experience on the topic.

Personally mine started by driving down the freeway in Houston and looking at the shoulder and split second decided "I think I am going to hit that, why not"..... and I did hit it at 75 miles an hour and still somehow survived.

I have had long periods of depression when I was younger and contemplated killing myself but that never went far.

I have tried to seriously kill myself three times and all were spur of the moment and opportunity based. There was the shoulder on the freeway in Houston. Another time I downed a bunch of prescription sleeping pills just to see what would happen and the third time was somewhat different, I purposely did something very dangerous at a location that was extremely dangerous just to see what would happen.

No one (except the internet) knows that I have done this. I run a business with a number of employees, I support a lot of people financially and emotionally and most people would be shocked that I have done this based on my personality.

Most likely you are just feeling pity or having a hard time. I know that a lot (if not all) have had those thoughts. Just do not let them get out of hand. FWIW most mental health professionals believe that the majority of suicide attempts were contemplated 30 minutes or less before taking place.

 

The shoulder sorry touches me. During my darkest times I have imagined scenarios that wouldn’t completely destroy those close in my life. Glad you bounced back brother.

 

a Blue code while doing training in rural/understaffed /over crowded hospital late Friday of a long weekend back in 2012 . many Cops came with paramedics escorting a patient who was hand+leg-cuffed to his bed ,my first thought : it must be El Chapo, i'd never thought he could looks so young he in person.

long story short : he was a student who did well in school despite working many hours ,he used his parent on- going ugly divorce as a motivation , anyhow ,he wanted to have fun on ,, went to a party and as he was having good time , his concerned friend called 911 reporting a suicide attempt. (my friends drunk so much..oh..despite no evidence of such) ,needless to say he was institutionalized for a while before any psychiatrist could sees him~ bureaucracy &irony of things

 

I recently had an experience on the other end. Someone shared with me a suicide text they got from a teen who was an acquaintance of a friend. That's several degrees of Kevin Bacon already and we knew almost no particulars about him, but you have to try to do something right. So, I spent a couple of hours using what tiny scraps of information I had to figure out some way I could inform his parents and maybe (if he was even serious) prevent a suicide. In the end, we basically succeeded in ratting him out to cops, his principal, and his parents. And all I know is he survived the night (and probably/maybe I'd hear if he later kills himself, idk), which is a win but I'm left wondering if he was ever really serious, and what was the fallout. Did the cops bring him to the psych ward? Did I hurt his relationship with his parents? Will he now get treated differently in school? Or who knows, maybe it's the best thing that ever happened to him.

Anyway, glad you're alive @da_juice, let's keep it that way. @malakas, you depressed the hell out of me. As I get older I think about the inexorability and injustice of death more and more and I often think of something my mother told me, that she used to feel like death was crouching right outside her door but now it feels like he's in the corner of the room. But, even though you may have felt alone at the time, having to reconcile with death is the big unifying experience of all of humanity. Facing death might be the only thing in which you have everybody's company.

Also and finally, I think we know now that there is no real anonymity on the internet.

 

This resonates with me as I've had those thoughts on low days and are generally brushed under the carpet of general anxiety. Rationally, we all understand that living offers opportunity for better things and meaningful connections, but there are moments when we only focus on an indelible mood or feeling that's deep inside our skin.

One can also recognize that depression or anxiety should be approached as a physical illness, like a cold or injury, but when you're trapped in waves and waves of thoughts, your first reactions are matters of coping and sustaining. If you have responsibilities, it's also maintaining and performing at a degree people are used to. Our culture is actually tolerant and empathetic to second chances, yet we still mostly refrain from asking for help at the risk of looking weak.

Those 30 minutes could be actions for a release rather than some message delivered by the person, just like someone suffering from years of chronic back pain and can't take it any longer.

I personally don't have many habits or practices for positive coping or recognizing when the boiling frog is cooked. I've had outbursts of rage at work when the overall stress is high and I'm given the "permission" to explode when other people **** up. I feel incredibly guilty afterwards but I haven't resolved the sequence of events that leads me there. It takes time investing in them, and there are times when I either feel overworked or feel that everything is meaningless. I'm starting to feel the latter mood is a mechanism for avoiding.

Depression events are scars upon the mind. I'm beginning to learn that it's not a matter of solving them, but being self aware that you're pulled in its gravity and giving yourself the mercy and patience to walk out of its shadow...no matter how long it takes.

 

This thread shows me some very important things. We are not so different from one another. We have all felt and done things at times that we really don’t want to. Most of us have had the darkest of times, but just quitting isn’t the answer.

I have a deep belief that most of us want connection in some sense. Hell, we get some of that here. I really don’t care if this is “just a message board” to some, because really, it’s not. It’s much more. We share, we laugh, we argue, fight, make up, talk sports and worldly issues. This is one big effed up family and I for one appreciate it.

Anyone ever in that dark place and needs an ear or maybe more, I’ll be there as best as I can. For what it’s worth.

 

Sorry to hear that @da_juice ! I love reading that you're in a better place now. Please keep us informed if that ever changes.

I have never been in that head space, but have had a different issue that probably also falls under the umbrella of mental health.

Spoiler

On two different occasions I've had panic/anxiety/whatever attacks where I feel my heart going ****ing nuts, start breathing super hard, become absolutely drenched in sweat, and end up passing out. First time it happened my wife only knew something was wrong when she heard my skull crack on the bathroom tile (once it started happening I got up and walked toward the toilet) when I passed out (/ blacked out*).

Second time it happened while I was driving... with my 2 y/o and then pregnant wife in the car. It all happened so fast and before I fully understood what was happening, I passed out while driving into an intersection. Needless to say, this could have been an absolute disaster, with the worst possible outcome. What actually happened was once I passed out I moved the steering wheel to the left when my arm fell, causing the vehicle to switch lanes and rear-ending a car that was stopped at a redlight, which stopped me from going into the cross traffic at a busy intersection. I came to a minute or so after impact and had no idea what had happened. Later on, I was able to recall my wife screaming and remember seeing only black. It was like I was dreaming but could hear her voice from outside of the dream.

This second incident happened when several bad breaks (to put it lightly) happened in a short amount of time. The tipping point was just a passing thought I had about what was really a non-issue. But, it was the straw that broke the camel's back and really just goes to show how I was improperly dealing with all the bad **** that was happening. My approach at the time, when something really bad happened, was to just be like "oh ok well nothing I can do but push through and move on and hope for the best going forward!" But I wasn't actually confronting my real thoughts or emotions about what was happening; I took the coward's way out and tried to ignore that reality as much as possible.

Nowadays I try to take more time to reflect and think peacefully. Sometimes that means meditation; sometimes that means just chilling in a recliner with no TV or audio or anything going on. And sometimes I don't do that for a while cuz I want to watch a game or read or play PS4 or do schoolwork or work-work or mindless household busywork, but then I remember that I once came close to wiping out my entire family because I wasn't properly dealing with my ****. So that is the kick in the ass I need to remember that I need to take care of myself, which doesn't just mean eating right and being active, but also confronting, accepting and trying to properly work through the stresses and thoughts/emotions, particularly when the situations surrounding them are the most unpleasant to think about.

Anyway, just felt obligated to share that since others have been so open here. Everyone goes through **** and tries to cope with it one way or another. Hopefully, those of us who previously did a **** job of coping, are able to learn from it and do better in the future.

* not sure what the difference is between blackout/passing out in this context....

 

Thanks for sharing Nook.