Life is crazy.

1. Get some sleep

On the music thing, remember that music is supposed to ENRICH your life, not make it more stressful. If you're not having fun doing it, you need to change something. I recently stopped accepting out-of-town gigs with my band (even though they pay more) so I could spend more QUALITY time with my wife and kids. And also because I don't really depend on the money as much as I used to.

Speaking of family, for me anyway, I find that spending quality time with them reminds me of why I work so hard in the first place and helps me to recharge and stay motivated. Quality time isn't sitting on the couch and watching tv or playing with your phones. Get a babysitter and go on a date night with your wife at least once a month. Take the entire family to Galveston for the weekend. Not sure how old your kid is, but spend as much time with him/her as you can. Look into his/her eyes and it will remind you of what life is really all about. Hint: it's not about your silly job.

Also, get freaky with the wife at least 3 times a week. Don't let that fall by the wayside....that could be big trouble, ya savvy? Even if you don't see her that often, when you do, make it count....

Oh, and get some sleep, man!

 

Sex is crazy too. She tells me I wont have to dodge ping pong balls. So I don't. And then it's like an AK47 went off in there and I'm still suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome.

 

@Derp McFlopsky you enrich our lives with your brilliant snark. I hope you live for many more years and don't lose your edge.

Watch a comedy as you fall asleep. Maybe then you'll have extra time to laugh. Hang in there buddy. I feel for you.

 

Life is crazy, don't forget to enjoy it.

 

Feel you sir, and I'll tell you what I've been through and maybe you can relate because I can relate to you. In 2015 business was booming. I had more work than I could handle, working 70-80 hour weeks, constantly in and out of phone calls, finally taking a REAL vacation with my wife.

In 2016 it all came crashing down. Both personally and financially, went through some insane times. It was 2+ years of scrapping and clawing my way back. My wife was there the whole time, holding my hand. I threw myself at more work and my stress level proved too much. I had an episode one morning, woke up and had a sharp pain in my chest. I was 30. I was in absolute terror. It felt like my chest was going to explode. I collapsed. Called my mom, they took me to the ER. Ran tests. Everything came back fine. My wife took all my calls for a couple of days.

I stopped living my life that way on that day. It just wasn't worth it. Living on a knifes edge all the time. I began to learn so many things that I chose to ignore for such a long time. How to communicate to others (sorry friend, I can't come.). I have very little time for anything now outside of work, working out, and one hobby. I hang out with my wife and my dogs and that's pretty much it. We quit social media a while back too. My wife had a pretty active Instagram following that we just grew to hate. Now we just do things to do things. We went bouldering with family at Momentum a few weeks back. No stories. No videos. No photos uploaded to social media. Just climbing.

I do still work quite a bit. It's on my mind constantly and it's still stressful. But not like before. I control it now, not the other way around. I sleep 8 hours a day. I eat well. I exercise.

Make sure you take care of yourself. Whatever else happens, happens. If you don't....you'll break. Everyone eventually does.

 

I used to feel this way before I took training courses over
Understanding the connection between mindfulness, health, and physical and spiritual well-being, Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction,
Learning simple meditations draw upon inherent deep inner resources, and believe it or not , I learned that if I skipped these webinars I could had more time to rest & relax

 

Grind on brother. I start a turnaround monday consisting of 7-12s for a couple of months. I have enjoyed 40 hour weeks for a few months now with 4 day work weeks. Time to rise and grind before the holidays. Hang in there and enjoy the people closest to you.

 

But, still finds time to post of clutchfans!

 

First of all, thank you for making this thread. It takes courage to be this open, but it's also incredibly important. Openness is important for relationships and also just for yourself. And it's super hard; we're taught to keep things to ourselves. I think you've done me a service just by bringing all the caring people here out of the woodwork. It's reassuring. I've been meaning to make a thread like this. Looking for advice on a slightly different scenario, but I wouldn't be able to do it without being raw and open, and I think you've given me the guts to finally do it.

I'm 35, so another 30-something here struggling through life. My situation's a little different, but I think I feel a similar sense of overwhelm. I'm single and work for my dad's engineering company and have for 12 years now. It's always on the verge of failing, and it's really bad, maybe unsalvageable right now. I'm not working high hours like many here, because I can barely get out of bed. I've sunk my life's savings into it to try to keep it afloat, but who knows? I take a cocktail of antidepressants and anxiolytics to keep myself above water, but I know that things can't continue this way. I miss my ex who left me three years ago, and I can point to the job as the main culprit behind my behaviors that led to that. It certainly didn't help that she worked there as well. Everything feels like work when it's like this even the outside things I'm active in.

First of all, as others have said, just don't let your family slide. I'd kill to have someone besides my mom in my corner right now. I worry about my sister and her husband and my three-year-old niece. They both work a lot of hours and take frequent business trips and the rest of their time it seems like they focus is on my niece. They're very good to her, but I worry that they don't spend enough time just enjoying each other's company as man and wife. You might want to check out the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman as preventative maintenance. Gottman is basically THE expert on relationships, and that book points out that a lot of common things couples are taught (like "active listening") has nothing provable behind it. He talks about the "Four Horsemen" that portend bad things in a relationship. I wish I'd found the book 10 years ago. Might have saved my relationship.

Secondly, you said you've got anxiety. Me too, brother. Clinical, medication-treated anxiety. And depression. I've probably taken just about every drug out there over the years; I probably know more than some psychiatrists, having been my the actual test rat. The things is, I didn't fully believe it was something inherently chemical until last year when I worked with my shrink (I finally found a good one that's actually compassionate) to get off my cocktail of pills. We did this in a completely-controlled step down manner over the course of a year. And what I found is that once I was off all my pills, I'd wake up crying every morning, and my anxiety would get back to crazy, vomit-inducing levels. Once I got back on my antidepressant (Pristiq) the crying stopped, and the anxiety is kept in check my a moderate twice-a-day, non-addictive dose of clonazepam. Again, worked out with my psychiatrist. I'll probably be on at least one of those the rest of my life. Not all anxiety and depression is treatable just with behavior changes, and there's nothing wrong about that.

I guess what I'm saying is that I've done a ton of different types of therapy and tried a ton of medications, so I have a lot of experience in both those areas. I'm not pollyannish about either of them, but I do acknowledge where and how they can and can't be effective, because I've been there. And anyone that wants to pick my brain on that, please feel free. Let me be the guy that's put in most of the frustrating trial-and-error work in that regard, so you don't have to (there will always be some, though).

Just remember; it's not weak to ask for help. It's strong. And you've got to love yourself first (which is damn hard and not selfish), because, otherwise, it's very hard to love others.

 

One thing that helped me a lot was some advice that said never to tell yourself something that you'd never say to someone else. Calling yourself a dipsh*t, *******, moron, etc.

I too suffered from crippling anxiety. I'd go through hard panic attacks and I'd have trouble breathing. What cured it for me? Ditching bad eating habits, stopping overcommitments and consistent exercise. The last one being key. That combination nuked my feelings of anxiety and depression.

I've also noticed an amazing change after supplementing with maca root. I put it in my morning shakes and I've noticed a drastic change in attitude and energy.

PM if you ever need to vent brother. I went through the business thing too.

 

I have a friend who has severe postpartum depression that just never went away and got progressively worse. After about 4 years of crippling depression and trying everything she found a doctor that recommended a ketamine therapy program. It has worked wonders for her -- you can literally see her pulling out of the pit of depression she was buried in.

 

No, didn't mean that at all. I had a time in my life, like you, where I was averaging 4-5 hours of sleep at night. I had a toddler, a baby, a fulltime job, and went to b-school in the evenings. I still posted here. Somehow, no matter the busyness, coming to talk about the Rockets is important to everyone's mental health.

 

Bolded is exactly what I was hit with about 10 days ago. My wife didn't list the things. She didn't have to. All she had to tell me was that she's tired of being in a one-sided fight for our marriage. Once she said that to me, I immediately replayed what must be hundreds of situations over the last 20 years where I just ignored her, didn't listen to what she was saying, or just did what I wanted to do because I'M THE MAN DAMNIT!

Let me just tell you...I've been sick to my stomach for 10 days over it. I've been such an incredibly bad husband that I honestly don't know why she's still here. We've had a lot of good talks about things and have things stable for now. I, too, am someone who gets frustrated by slow progress. I want it fixed now. But this is too big to fix in one day or with one big thing. It's a day to day process. You, like I, have to just keep what's truly important out in front and make sure that it doesn't get ignored. I'm just trying to have one good day at a time and hope that sometime down the road, we'll forget all about this because we're having too much fun together.

 

Great thread @Derp McFlopsky

I am 39 with 4 kids and the oldest not quite 10. EEK! I have had some health issues the last few years following a I guess "so-so" surgery. I had longer (multi-year), more chronic post surgical pain that anticipated (finally have that under control... down to a pain level of 0 almost 100% of the time... almost), and then tried a medley of antibiotics, NSAIDs, etc. that wrecked my gut and am still working on improving that. I started a GAPS based diet just a few weeks back for example.

But underlying it all has been stress and anxiety.

I actually have a pretty solid work situation. I manage my hours VERY well. And for those hours I get paid a lot. I just don't actuall enjoy it fundamentally that much. Honestly, I'd rather be a gardner/work in a nursery. That might sound dumb, but I love plants/planting. The working outdoors. The science of it. The varieties. Knowing what will work/won't. The last couple of years I've been into fruits/trees that provide. In our relative normal size neighborhood yard here in Austin, I now have nectarine tree, peach tree, apple tree, orange tree, loquat, fig... even a pink lemon tree. They haven't all produced yet, but many have. It's fun. But... in any case, that won't work... doesn't pay enough.

I try not to stress, but have found ever since the quasi-botched surgery (again surgery worked, but lots of side complications), I stress about everything, especially everything health related, me or my family. The 4 kids doesn't help - that's a lot to stress about - but what can I say, 3 were planned, the last slipped in lol.

Also, I've come to learn that craziness runs in my family genetically. Not legit, institutionalized craziness, but lots of neurotic type behavior.

Finally, hormonally, my tank was running on empty with low T levels. Initially that was embarrassing, but I don't care anymore, it is what it is. I supplement with testosterone and honestly, it's great, and really helps with the sex life in a variety of ways (better, more frequent, you name it... I'm like a teenager, but with the experience of a 40 year old) ... but don't everyone go run to some clinic advertising on sports radio. There are lots of components at play with testosterone supplementation. Do your homework, and get lab tested first, get a doctor, etc.

In any case, until 5 years ago, if someone asked me what my best attribute was, I would have probably said "MY BRAIN". So just coming to grips with things like anxiety as a middle age father is HARD. VERY VERY HARD.

It's an ongoing battle for me, and will likely include more changes - I mean life involves changes.

One thing is clear, though. The secret of life? That's easy. Happiness!! Now how to attain that? That's meaningfully less easy. Find the things that make you happy. Do the things that give you joy. Try not to sweat the small stuff. Realize it is not going to all work out perfectly - you do your best and hope the chips fall in great spots. But there's plenty more...

Thanks for initiating the conversation!

 

Carve out family time because that is really all that matters. Sit down and eat meals together that you make on the daily. The time it takes will be worth it in the long run. Your health will improve, too (Toast, fruit, yogurt and a protein off a paper plate is breakfast)

You have a goal of this Christmas, add some smaller weekly or biweekly ones, too. Keep your and your wife’s vision as one because two visions is division. Say your goals to each other on the daily. Hear what she is saying and not saying.

You can be the father you always wanted. Remember you are the biggest part of your child’s life if you make that a focal point of your life. Their prospective in life is you.

 

I started testosterone treatment last week. I think that was a part of my attitude towards my wife over the last couple of years. I had no energy. As she was getting more fit and doing things to make herself feel better and look better, I was doing the exact opposite. Maybe it's a little in my head because I know most don't feel a difference after the 1st treatment, but I do notice a bit of a difference. I'm a little less in a fog. I have a little more energy. The rest will come with further treatments. Definitely get it tested with a reputable place. I did go to one of the sports radio places, but it is highly thought of and tons of good reviews from men and women alike. I didn't know until recently that my dad has been on it for over 10 years now. He lost a ton of weight without doing much of anything. I'm looking forward to seeing more of the benefits of the treatment as I go along.

 

Well, if you're taking shots, it wouldn't be crazy to see a difference relatively immediately. You're injecting yourself with the exact hormone that makes you feel things differently. There's a reason why a standard that used to be a shot once every two weeks is now weekly - you're putting in your body what you need.

If you have questions, I found the best place is the forum at T Nation. Personally, I tried a couple different methods, but ultimately have found the once a week shot to work the best.

More info if curious

Spoiler

All that said, that's not entirely diagnostic. It's just treating the symptoms. What's the cause of the hypogonadism? It's worth considering. I had a brain MRI (non-contrast, I have thoughts on that...) to check out my pituitary gland. Everything was ok. In my case then, based on my description, it really came down to how a botched surgery hit me mentally, and the abx and meds hit me in the gut thereafter.

Still haven't found a natural "solution" - not sure I ever will. But I am in process of adjusting my diet - going to GAPS, and probably will be on that for 2-3 years and will supplement appropriately to try and meaningfully improve my gut flora, lower yeast and fungus, and ultimately address root cause issues, which are likely to involve adrenals, vitamin absorption, etc.

On the one hand, it sounds like a lot of mumbo jumbo. On the other hand, I've become much more familiar with our health system the last 3 years, which includes our dietary/food system. For one, anyone who isn't a fan of a much more universal free health care system likely hasn't faced a meaningful chronic type issue - be it chronic pain, chronic disease, etc. Once you have, and ESPECIALLY if you are in a growing city like Austin, you'll realize it's a nightmare. This is not just my experience, but my family, too (one older individual dealing with some fluid on the brain still taking months to sort out, or my wife who has waited way too long to have a foot pain checked out for no other reason than because it's ****ing ridiculous dealing with our health system). Hard to impossible to book appointments. Doctors that hear your symptoms and turn immediately to medicine to treat said symptom, without a concern in the world for why the symptom is there or what other symptoms the medicine might give you.

Then you add the diet/food system. Fast food. Everything is highly processed. Ingredients that you can't pronounce. Etc, etc. For many people, it's "ok". Especially if you haven't been loaded up on pharma's which damage your gut flora and lining. But even then, there's a reason you see more and more athletes adopting much healthier diets. Personally, I think if you were born in the 70's to 2000's we might have hit the peak of some of this. Massive industrialization had started so you started to see tons of chemicals being used in food production, plastic production, shampoos, cleaners, you name it. But it wasn't until the late 2000's that the natural movement REALLY started to catch on. It was known by then, but to really see it catch on. My hope for my children is that while they'll certainly grow up in a more polluted world, they will have eaten a lot more organic, less processed foods, better cleaners, etc.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no anti-vaxxer or anything. And indeed, it is somewhat normal for your testosterone levels to decline as you age. But it shouldn't to a point where you have to supplement. That's a sign of SOMETHING. Even if it is as simple as diet.

just my two cents. I think you mentioned your wife also getting fit and healthy. I know I'm more in your boat. I haven't let myself go, but have not taken care of my diet, exercise, stress and mental health like I should/can. I've started to a bit more recently. It will be a long road. Maybe it will allow me to get off the testosterone at one point. But even if not, I'll be a much happier, healthier person at the end of it and a better example for my kids!

Just my two cents